Today is your birthday my love, happy birthday. Don’t ask me how I remembered it, I don’t know. All I know is that you’re always here with me, in the back of my mind and between my chin and chest; I wear you like an indispensable charm. I don’t believe in angels, but should I do so, you would be my guarding angel; my chosen one. No, not an angel, I don’t want you to guard me - although only the thought of you does protect me - you would be my god, my Greek-style god; a god that I discovered out of the blue and started worshiping ever since; a god that I took all the trouble in the world to build his temple from my own skin and ornament it with my own hair; a god that I keep burning my blood at his altar hoping that one day he will answer my prayers and look at me; my own god….
Would I ever see you again? Would my days at the fort have a happy ending like Rapunzel? Would we live happily ever after? Would I ever be released from my two kids and dying husband curse? I don’t think so, and I don’t think I even want to…
I never understood birthdays or what they symbolize. Why do we celebrate them? What’s there to be happy about? We are one year closer to our death, or should we celebrate death? Why is it my day? Every day, when I’m not in a grumpy mood is my day…. not very often but still. I think anniversaries are made to mark our failure and not to celebrate… whatever
I took Louloua to the mall yesterday to shop for her birthday bash. Nabil kept his word and we’re throwing her an amazing (hopefully) party. She’s crazy about Hanna Montana so we agreed on the theme. No hiccups like last year. Remember when she locked herself for two days in her room because I refused the “pimps and whores” theme?! For god’s sake she was 15! I’m open-minded that’s right, but my brain still did not fall out! We don’t fight as much anymore, I guess she’s growing up and getting much better at choosing her battles…
Anyway my love, I have to go. Rami is knocking on my door, I’m sure it’s money he needs, nowadays I only hear from him if he needs money… happy birthday again…
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